No Detours

It’s a devastatingly gorgeous night in Los Angeles.
I just drove down the 101 with the windows open and my heart the same. The wind only added another instrument to the music being played at an obscene volume. My focus was on everything and nothing at all. I realized that this freedom was new. Perhaps realizing freedom for the first time in my life.

I hurriedly got out of the house earlier to see my friend’s comedy act. He’s been at it a while and I with school, a young daughter, a new business, and sleep being of great importance – have a tough time making it out to catch shows.
He was outstanding and I salute anyone who can get on a stage and give it their all. He’s chasing the dream, but he’s really already living it. I told him this and he agreed. We agree on many things.

Hanging in a club or bar is something I rarely do anymore. It’s an odd feeling being that bars were my second home for so many years. I felt most comfortable sitting with drink in hand, poor posture, and an attitude that I applied like war paint. Making plans and formulating revolutionary and brilliant ideas that would be forgotten by morning. Looking back, I was just filling silence with vacant words. All that mattered was the liquid.

I sat tonight with water bottle in hand. I sat with no attitude. I sat with a beginners mind that listened to and enjoyed the evening thoroughly like my 16 month old daughter enjoys new experiences, like seeing a butterfly take flight or hearing the theme song to Winnie the Pooh for the first time in her fresh life. I sat with peace, confidence and complete appreciation of my clean lifestyle.

At the bar sat my old self. He will always be a passenger on this trip, if I like it or not. He wanted me to buy him drinks. He wanted me to take a detour. He wanted me to think about anything but my daughter, fiancé, family, my health. I refused. He sulked and then disappeared into thin air. He only asks once these days as he knows what my answer will be.

And the funniest thing happened on my drive home with windows open and music serenading the heavens; Nobody cut me off in traffic… because I just eased up and let them in.