20 Tips to Make Your Body a Toxic Landfill

Are you sick of all the do-gooders trying to tell you what to eat and drink, how to exercise, how to meditate, how to LIVE?

Don’t you just want to DO WHAT YOU WANT?

Don’t you just want to EAT and DRINK WHAT YOU WANT, and what TASTES GOOD?

Yeah?

Well, then these tips are for you, my friend:

1. Sugar
Put that beautiful white powder on everything! Like cereal in the morning? Try adding 5-10 tablespoons of sugar in the mix. You’ll know you have added enough when you’re milk + cereal + sugar ratio turns into a gravy like substance. Enjoy!

2. Fast Food
Whatever, everything is bad for you these days! I recommend trying a combo of 3 or 4 different fast food restaurants in one sitting. A delicious go-to is a Chilli-Cheese-Whopper-Mac… It’s like a build your own burger from heaven! Be sure to add a biggie fry + onion rings + hash brown. Throw them in the empty bag, add A LOT of salt, then shake the bag until everything is properly covered. Enjoy!

3. Vegetables
Disgusting. Skip them, unless they’re deep-fried, of course.

4. Deep-Fried Foods
Is there anything in the universe better than deep-fried foods? Go big and get a deep-fryer for your home kitchen. Throw EVERYTHING in it. Deep-fried Twinkies? Lame. Put some bread crumbs on a stick of butter, then drop that bastard in the deep-fryer for a bit. DIVINE. And, when using your deep-fryer, be sure to use:

5. Polyunsaturated Vegetable Oils
Trans-fats and inflammation? Whatever. How about transcendental taste and inflamed love!

6. Processed High-Carb Diet
Bagels, donuts, and pasta taste amazing. How can you eat a burger without a bun? How can you have pasta without bread for dipping? How? Tell me! If you’re a square, and you insist on staying slim, be sure to stick to your:

7. Low-Fat Diet
It’s a simple mantra and it makes so much sense: fat makes you fat. There are so many low-fat options at the grocery store, foods that SEEM bad but aren’t, because they’re low-fat! Low fat = HEALTHY. Bring on the Snackwells!

8. A Calorie is a Calorie is a Calorie
Caloric value is what matters most. Forget about food affecting hormones and the parts of the brain that control our eating habits. Go for ice cream and donuts instead of eggs and potatoes.

9. Pesticides
Dear God, the organic movement is so annoying! Why worry about pesticides? Want free fruit and vegetables? Go to a factory farm right after they spray. Bring your truck and load up! No one will be around and you can take your treasures home (and throw them directly into your deep fryer). If you happen to get lightheaded while snatching up your fruits and veggies, it’s probably just because of the heat. Don’t be a wimp.

10. Factory Meat
You’ve probably heard all about antibiotics, hormones, GMO feed, and the gross mistreatment of animals by industrial meat providers by now, right? Good news! You don’t have to worry about it. You’ve been eating this stuff your whole life and you’re perfectly fine, right? And for the abused animals, they are food, END OF STORY. Who cares. Get over it and EAT UP.

11. Meditation
What’s the deal with everyone getting “centered” these days? Mindfulness? Huh? It’s just some new age BS to make people feel important about themselves. If you’ve got problems, shut them deep inside like people have always done. What’s wrong with that? And if you’re feeling really off, you can always load up on:

12. Alcohol
It’s called a happy hour for good reason: alcohol makes you happy! But try changing the hour to day or week or month or year. You’ll always feel good, with no let downs. Plus, it’s the best way to get to sleep, fast.

13. Exercise
Exercise is fine and good if you have the time. All those people posting pics from the gym, showing off yoga poses, status updates about the six miles they just ran in two minutes; whatever, some people just have too much time on their hands. I heard that some famous runner dropped dead of a heart attack while participating in a marathon, or something. You can totally get enough exercise at work or having sex once or twice a year.

14. Processed Food
People make WAY too big a deal about processed foods. Why would food companies KNOWINGLY create addictive food, overconsumption of which can lead to obesity, addiction, diseases, and worse? It’s TOTALLY a conspiracy theory.

15. Water
You don’t need it. There is water in coffee, beer, tea, soda, and practically everything else. So, you drink water everyday, without even thinking about it! If you happen to want a glass of water to quench your thirst, be sure to go straight for the water out of your bathroom sink. Don’t worry about filtration systems and all that garbage. Someone is trying to make money off of you.

16. Margarine and Fake Butter
These are low-fat, and some are even fat-free! At certain stores you can even find a butter-like spray! So what if there are artificial ingredients and preservatives. I read all my books on a device, that’s artificial! Stay away from the fat and go for brighter colors and convenience. Like the packaging says, they’re “Heart Healthy!”

17. Food Dye
All the tasty foods contain food dye: cereals, sports drinks, cheese, candies, cake mixes, macaroni and cheese. You’ve probably heard that they’re banned in many other countries because they’re derived from petroleum, and can cause brain cancer, hyperactivity in children, and a damaged immune system. Well, those other countries are not the good ol’ US of A, and I know that my country would never KNOWINGLY allow toxic substances into the food chain. That’s just crazy talk!

18. Air Fresheners and Cleaning Solutions
Thylene-based glycol ethers, Terpenes and Paradichlorobenzene can react with ozone in the air to form a poisonous combination, so say the experts. Again, people getting up in arms over nothing. What are we supposed to use instead? You can’t make cleaning solutions or air fresheners at home unless you’re some kind of scientist, and it’s easier to just spend a couple bucks on something that really works!

19. Conventional Deodorant, shampoos, hair spray, and fragrances
Many of these products contain chemical additives called Phthalates. Some college somewhere said that they can cause reproductive and developmental problems. They also said that they are found in toys, baby rattlers, teething rings and rubber duckies for kids. California and Washington banned the use of Phthalates in children’s products.
Again, don’t worry about it. The government would never allow dangerous compounds in products that we use every day, especially in toys that our children play with! Sounds like people are paranoid, and I bet someone is trying make money off of this claim with their “natural” products. I just know it.

20. Soda Pop
What goes better with potato chips, pizza, burgers and burritos than soda? Answer: NOTHING. You might have heard all kind of negative statements being made about the bubbly nectar of the gods: that it contains tons of sugar or artificial sweeteners, including aspartame, sucralose, and/or saccharin. That it can cause obesity, cavities, out-of-control behavior in people with ADD and ADHD. That it has dangerously high acidity and even some reports of containing rat pee. Wrong, wrong, wrong! You’re telling me that the company featuring those delightfully-adorable polar bear commercials over the holidays would be promoting such a sinister liquid? No way. These producers must be good people who want to see the world in perfect harmony.

Did I miss anything?

 

 

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Christopher Hostetler is the founder of Do Not Die Young – Integrative Health & Nutrition Coaching. He’s a proud father, gunshot survivor, musician, writer and Muay Thai enthusiast residing in Los Angeles. He has made self evolution through nutrition, lifestyle, and mental and physical wellness his life’s work.

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Happy EATster (10 Tips to Help You Navigate the Sugar and Calories)

I always find it peculiar that so many of my friends and family put such terrible things into their bodies temples on religious holidays. I’m thankful to not eat highly processed foods and factory farmed meats on days like today, Easter. Perhaps that will be my personal prayer at the dinner table: no more garbage holiday foods, AMEN!

It’s completely natural to go for the sugar, salt and fat, and not just on holidays. These foods stimulate neurons which trigger the brain’s “reward system”, which, in turn, release dopamine, making us want to indulge more and more. We go searching for the “bliss point”, which occurs when the greatest pleasure is achieved from sugar, salt and fat.

A holiday can be the most challenging time to just say no!

Below, I’ve created ten tips to help you get through the day without having to eat like a rabbit the Easter Bunny:

1. Water, water, water!
It’s your best friend on holidays, and everyday. Start your day with a large glass of water with lemon. Drink water throughout the day, and don’t try to substitute with soda or alcohol; while they are fine, in moderation, you’ll be ingesting huge amounts of sugar and unneeded calories.

2. Eat before you go.
If you know that it will be an extreme challenge to keep from overindulging, eat a large, healthy meal before you arrive at a holiday gathering. This will help with portion control and your need to feed. It’s the same theory behind not going to a grocery store while starving.

3. Exercise.
Holidays usually lend us a little extra time to take a step outside for a walk, head to the gym, do some standing jumping jacks in the living room, or even have some great sex. C’mon, you deserve it, right? Exercise raises the metabolism and also is a way of telling our bodies to stay away from the foods that we don’t need. Your body is magical; listen to it.

4. Choose nutrient-dense foods.
Instead of having another helping of mashed potatoes or another piece of cheesecake, munch on some vegetables or have some fruit. Choose the healthiest dish to be had and fill half your plate with it. It will force the downsizing of the unhealthy stuff, and you will still get full. It’s a win-win situation.

5. Attitude adjustment.
Don’t make a holiday all about the food and drink. Instead, focus on family and friends. Going in with the right attitude will change your entire outlook of what the day represents and leave you full of life and with great memories.

6. Set limits on alcohol.
Simply put, alcohol increases appetite and decreases your willpower.

7. Bring a healthy dish.
If the host asks you to bring a dish, or even if they don’t, bring a healthy dish that you enjoy and “indulge” in. This will diminish the risk of having nothing healthy to eat.

8. Don’t deprive yourself.
Sample the foods that you really want to taste, no matter what they are. Have a bite or two, and then move onto something else. The first few bites of food are where you get the most pleasure. By doing this you will enjoy some of your favorite “naughty” foods, not overindulge in them, and can tell the host that their quadruple-chocolate peanut butter pie with homemade whipped cream was AH-mazing.

9. Be mindful.
If you meditate or pray, do so before the big gathering. Try to be aware that the immediate rush you will receive from overindulging is not worth the way that you will feel afterwards. Remember, your body is a temple, not a landfill.

10. Say NO!
You don’t have to feel obliged to accept every offer of food and drink. If you’re not hungry, or just don’t want any, say so. You are in control.

Have a peaceful and happy holiday.

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Christopher Hostetler is the founder of Do Not Die Young – Integrative Health & Nutrition Coaching. He’s a proud father, gunshot survivor, musician, writer and Muay Thai enthusiast residing in Los Angeles. He has made self evolution through nutrition, lifestyle, and mental and physical wellness his life’s work.

Support/Website – Donotdieyoung.com 

Flaws

I want to look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club without my shirt on. Well, a version of him, with a noticeably smaller right arm and leg due to partial paralysis (The decision to write that statement is similar to the decision to allow someone I don’t know to have the keys to my car and trusting them to not go all Ferris Buellers Day Off with it). A flaw is only a flaw if you consider it a flaw. It doesn’t cross my mind much lately. The only reminder is pain, or when others point it out by asking “What’s wrong with you?” Oh, that dreaded sentence that so many of us have to mentally and philosophically decide the answer to in a span of 2.7 seconds. I’ve learned to reply with, “Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Like most health-conscious people, I want to look good. Also, I tend to compare myself to others. It’s hard not to live in a world of “I wish” and “If only.” And even if I were to get to Fight Club status, I’d still find something else “wrong” with myself – That’s a guarantee. I try my best, most of the time. I’ve fired my inner defeatist, but he still likes to show up and chat around the water cooler, but he’s off the payroll, so he doesn’t stick around for long.

Having a laundry list of injuries makes it hard for me to exercise. For example, I did a light yoga ball routine yesterday that included stretching, balancing techniques, and some crunches. It felt so good to break a sweat! It felt so good until I woke up in the middle of the night unable to open my hand due to having tweaked the bulging discs in my neck. The entire day has been spent living between winces. Sadly, it’s something that I’m very used to. Does it quell the yearning to dream about taking Krav Maga classes? No. I’m competitive, especially with myself. It’s this kind of internal dialogue that pushed me, years ago, to be a lead singer in bands even though I’ve always shuddered at the thought of my “flaws” being on display. There is a power in taking a preconceived weakness, putting it on a stage, and owning it. Try it sometime, even if that stage is in your mind.

I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

I stay in decent shape through a very healthy diet, lifestyle, and as much exercise as I can do without causing myself regrettable pain for days or weeks. Without my enthusiasm for clean living, I would be in terrible shape, physically, mentally and spiritually. I chose to not give a fuck for many years, and I paid the price, dearly.
I now go about my life as a body builder goes about his or her technique: always attempting to perfect it in hopes of revealing the best possible results.

My life with a disability, my knowledge of nutrition, and my resilience is going to help many people. And helping others will help me. And guess what? I’m planning on becoming a Certified Personal Trainer for the knowledge, along with my Certification in Health Counseling.

I was recently inspired by a friend whose life was completely changed at a young age by a personal trainer who was a paraplegic. You read that right, a personal trainer who was a paraplegic! This floored me and nearly brought me to tears. It really is all about the lives we are living, the choices we are making, and how we influence others to never stop fighting – no matter what.

I’m on a mission to defeat the defeatists.

How Zennoying!

What do you think when you see a picture on social media of a perfectly fit person striking a next-to-impossible yoga pose on a beach? Are you going to vomit? Do you want to break out the potato chips and a pint of ice cream out of spite? What about these status updates: “Live life and life will love you back!”, “Best weekend ever! Zen meditation and a juice cleanse really helps center me. Namaste!”, “Love and Light!”

You’ve got to be kidding me, right?

If you view these images and words with animosity, you’re not alone. There’s got to be something hiding behind the facade of serenity, right? Nobody is that healthy or happy. New age bullshit is simply a trend and they’re milking it for all it’s worth — and shoving it right in the faces of the less enlightened.

Before my venture into nutrition, health, and clean living, I thought it was ridiculous that people chose a life with no “fun” involved. Smoothies, meditation, yoga, kombucha; none of it made sense to me. Why not enjoy your time on Earth? Drink what you want — be it fermented tea, green juice, or alcohol! Exercise if you want to. Life is way too short to worry about gut flora, food allergies, and mindfulness. Late night inebriations, later night burritos, and sleeping late was my spiritual experience. And the only poses anywhere close to yoga would be in a stranger’s bed (hopefully).

I’ve come to realize some things over the past few years of my life:

1. Everyone has unique things that make them feel good about themselves.
2. The “do whatever you want” lifestyle is not sustainable.
3. I feel better, and the people around me feel better, because of my healthier lifestyle.
4. I’ve learned to deal with my chronic pain by eating a diet high in anti-inflammatory foods.
5. My diet and meditation practice has a direct positive effect on my PTSD and depression.
6 . I really enjoy waking up at a reasonable hour without a hangover.
7. My daughter will learn from my good example.
8. People who post pictures of themselves doing yoga poses on the beach are proud of themselves, happy, and that’s okay.
9. Less toxic food and drink = more clarity.
10. More energy = getting more accomplished.
11. The SAD (Standard American Diet) is a plague.
12. I have greater confidence when I’m living a healthy and centered life.
13. Resentment towards others is merely re-sending negativity back to myself.
14. I truly love seeing anyone attempting to better themselves, in any way, and even in the smallest way.
15. Change starts at home, and in the heart.

So, I pick my battles wisely. Choosing to be frustrated by positive change is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Be well.